magnolia

there is not a word more misunderstood – STILL – than “feminist.” i have never had a single, solitary qualm with proudly and fiercely labeling myself as a liberal feminist democrat. but then, i have an iron will and a large dose of don’t-give-a-damn, and have since i was a little kid. the horrible mischaracterization of feminists as raging, bloodthirsty man-hating terrorists who want to cut off men’s manhoods and convert the male race into lapdogs/worker bees tends to discourage active participation in the brand. leaving aside the fact that it’s about 1000% untrue, it’s a scary image, especially for a young girl who doesn’t want to be a rabble-rouser, but who notices that things are kinda unbalanced between the boys and the girls. it’s a neat trick, that: teach ‘em young not to demand an even playing field by making people who do raise the question into villains and monsters.

but i’m about to let y’all in on a little secret. hunker down close; this may shock you.

feminism isn’t about making women better than men. it is the unmitigatedly ballsy proposition that everyone should get an equal crack at doing what they want to do without being artificially limited by their reproductive organs.

i’ll give y’all a minute to recover from that stunning revelation.

seriously. feminism is something everyone should want. it’s really not that revolutionary, or at least it shouldn’t be. the hyundai commercial that ran during the oscars last night, with the doofus hapless dad too stupid to cook spaghetti, is just as horrifically offensive as the miller lite commercial where the rapper pitbull opens beer and turns regularly attractive women into scantily-dressed sex objects. it’s all based on the same stupid, outdated idea that men and women each have one specific identity with specific rules and roles.

that’s just stupid.

it’s 2012. we should all have reached a point by now where it’s clear that people should get a fair shot at whatever it is they want to do without being told, no, you have to be in the home with the kids or no, you have to be the grey-flannel-suit-wearing breadwinner. what if daddy wants to raise the babies and mama wants to be a star litigator? what if papa and daddy want to adopt children? what if janie wants to fight fires and tommy wants to dance? who the hell cares?

this is what i can’t understand about ayatollah santorum and his ilk, the ones who aren’t content to have crazy ideas on their own, but who insist that everyone has to live under the crazy regime of fake rules they make up in their fool heads. what is it, specifically, about what the man and i do in our house that has any impact whatsoever on what little ricky and his wife do in theirs? how on earth does it matter? i don’t go around telling my extremely devout catholic friends that they aren’t allowed to go through the imposition of ashes because i think it’s distracting as hell that people have smudges on their heads. (it’s true – i do. i can’t focus.) that’s their freedom of conscience, and that’s what makes this crazy quilt of a country so freaking rock-star awesome.

but what about my right to, well, not be catholic? i would LOVE to see someone ask ayatollah santorum this question: “senator, do you believe that americans have the right to not be catholic?” with the follow-up being (to the INEVITABLE answer, whether he thinks it’s true or not, of course i do!), “then why do you insist that every american live under the rules of the catholic church?”

all of these questions of religious bluster and general busy-body-ness are threads in this giant tapestry of WTF that obscures the true goal and meaning of feminism. at the end of the day, kids, this is a liberty issue. the liberty to do what your conscience says is right, within the reasonable boundaries necessary to maintain a functioning society, is an american birthright. it’s the whole damn point of the country, and it’s why our way is a pretty sweet way to run a railroad. so all these people with their insistence on rigid gender roles and control through enforcement of other people’s religious rules are, at their core, violating the principles of the founding of the nation. it’s unamerican to not want gender equity and freedom of conscience. it’s the height of patriotism, and the full realization of the promise of our ideals as a nation, to be feminist.

this land is your land; this land is my land. that’s the promise of america. and THAT’S what a feminist looks like.