trust yourself. you're really all you have.

here’s your sign


this is a rant, at least to start with, about stupid drivers and how everyone except me who drives on this one road is a COMPLETE MORON.

this is a picture of the traffic circle i use every day.

it’s blurry as hell, but you get the basic idea. i go from northeast to southwest around this circle. there are two lanes, and each time a road radiates out, there’s a right-turn lane so that you can do this. when i enter this circle, i get into the right lane. i stay there until it’s time to turn, at which point i merge into my turn lane and turn. without traffic, this maneuver takes approximately 6.3 seconds.

but we’re never so fortunate to be on the road alone, right? sigh. no fewer than ten times in the last ten days, i have been nearly killed by people who think it’s their damn birthright to make right turns from left lanes. these morons have accompanied their idiocy with gestures and horn-honks that imply that it is me, in fact, who is the idiot.

traffic gripes are a part of life among the driving. but there’s another element involved here. this part of the DC metro area is riddled to the gills with the richest of the rich. there’s a US senator living on the corner of one of these streets (so indicated by the DC tags on an acura parked outside the house that read “US SENATOR,” in case you were wondering). these morons, to a person, are all driving lexus SUVs, BMWs, mercedes-benzes, porsches, and even a maybach, which is a $415,000 car. A $415,000 CAR. i don’t even know how to wrap my brain around that. you’d have to take every car i’ve ever owned in my life, add their values at acquisition up, and multiply that by a factor of 10 to get close to $415,000. in a more depressing comparison, that’s double the cost of my entire legal education, including the tax LL.M.

this isn’t just traffic-stupid. this is the insanely rich and privileged, asserting their privilege over the rest of us by a) refusing to follow rules and b) lashing out at those who would dare interfere with their unfettered ability to do whatever the hell they want, because fuck you, that’s why. and it’s probably the A-number-one thing i HATE about living in the nation’s capital.  there are so many people with supposed importance, and they will just not hesitate to tell you in every way possible that you are inferior to them in every way.

that’s a sign of a sick, misprioritized society. some people are too damn stupid to look at traffic signs and do what they say. but willful ignorance, just because you don’t like the sign? well. that’s just a straight-up fuck-off sign right there. and that’s why we’re where we are today: because too many people are so rich and arrogant, at the expense of FAR too many others, to consider their place in the world as anything other than driving over everyone else. lovely thought, eh?

and as for my traffic circle: if i go to jail for breaking a maybach’s windshield with a tire iron, y’all know why.

Author: magnolia

grown-ass woman, solidly 30-something. mobilian by raising, with some louisiana thrown in for lagniappe. fiercely devoted lover of my husband, my friends, and my folks. highly reconstructed southerner. teacher of tax accountants. LSU alum. atheist. peace-loving liberal. recognizer of humanity in all of its forms. non-practicing lawya. sports fan. hopefully friendly and amusing. writer of a whole lot fewer fictions than i used to write.

4 thoughts on “here’s your sign

  1. If it’s a DC license plate that says “US Senator” then it’s not actually a US Senator. It belongs to either Paul Strauss or Michael Brown, the two DC shadow Senators.

    Does it look like the plate at the bottom of this page: ?

    Also, the Maybach is a beautiful car to sit in, but I can’t imagine actually spending that much money on a car. Crazy.

  2. Ugh I totally understand your annoyance. Nothing gets to me more than people who ‘think’ they know how to drive.

  3. You’ve driven in Charlotte and understand the idiocy I deal with. I cannot imagine what it would be like if we also had traffic circles.

    Stay safe out there.

  4. I’d totally visit you in jail. And bring you snacks. Jail food probably sucks.

    I get so anxious over driving that unless there’s a really good reason, Scott always drives. Everyone is out to kill me.

    Also: your education cost more than my house. That HURTS to think about. (You totally deserve it, though. You’re the smartest lawyer-type person I know.)

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