relationships are hard. adult relationships are harder. and those relationships you make permanent, when you promise “forever” and “always,” are the hardest of all. when things are difficult in those forever-relationships, you have to either struggle through it or make an earth-shattering choice to give up. that, of course, is a last resort, and having been there, i advocate avoiding it at all costs.

but sometimes, when things are hard, that’s when you both shine the brightest. and those are the times when your heart just sings, when it all falls into place, and even when you’re not sure how to get back to normal, you just smile, because you know it’ll be okay.

that day is today.

see, the man and i have been besieged with what i will call THE STRESSOR THAT SHALL NOT BE NAMED (TSTSNBN). i am using TSTSNBN because i can’t talk about it online. but it’s there, and it’s weighing hard on us. the impact of TSTSNBN is that, basically, there are a lot of nights where we argue about problems we have that are either started by TSTSNBN or exacerbated by it. and really, it’s the kind of thing that would murder a lesser bond. i have been acquainted with relationships that have been ended by the kind of problem that TSTSNBN is.

but kids, i am thrilled to announce to you that the man and i are made of tougher mettle than that. and that is one of the saving graces of my life.

one of the downsides of TSTSNBN is its impact on our finances. we are not bad off, don’t get me wrong, but some of the choices we’ve made wouldn’t have been made if we’d known about TSTSNBN before we made them, and it’s too late to undo them. this was a sore spot, and we’ve been one of those stereotypical thirty-something couples that fights about money lately. can i tell you how much that sucks? but we’d reached… not a consensus, but a decision, that he was going to give something he really wanted up in light of the pinch TSTSNBN put on us. and he REALLY wanted this one, a lot more than some of the other things we already committed to do.

i do not want my beloved to be deprived of one of the few things in this life that he truly wants. so this would simply not stand. i called in a favor the best way a southern only child knows how: i called my daddy. so my birthday present from my parents is to get the man that thing he gave up in order to manage TSTSNBN. why? because i know he’d do it for me. he has.

and that’s the shaft of sunlight that’s busted through the cloud cover in our place these days: the fact that the man and i are both getting what we want, in spite of outside forces. that’s what a forever-relationship is really about. it’s not about fluffy white wedding dresses, meet-cutes and all that other hollywood stuff. it’s about staring down the threats together, and still finding a way to speak to one another’s hearts in even the worst of times, no matter how many stressors come your way. that’s when you know that your forever-relationship is set in stone as hard as it can be.

got your back, bebe. love you.