there is really no heartbreak quite as acute and breathtakingly intense as the kind that’s visited upon you by your own bloodline. i’ve chronicled the rather stunning racist tirade, and refusal to apologize, that was handed to us by my grandmother. now, in a way i won’t get into in detail, we’ve received it from the other side of the family as well.
you know, i am really done trying to solve things and fix things. some people just want to stay sick, and they get really vicious and nasty when you show them the truth. i wish i could be as blunt as i’d like to be on this one, but it would only hurt the innocent. suffice it to say this: the circle of blood relations with which we can maintain relationships just got REAL small.
it’s sad beyond belief. the main proponents of the traditional family structure, the ones who think that filial piety is the most important tenet of life, also think that their behavior can never be criticized or challenged in any way. they think they can say and do whatever they want, bring ruination on everyone in their lives, and that anyone who dares to stand up and say, “no, you can’t do that to us” or “no, you’ve done something wrong and now you have to face the consequences” is being disloyal. it’s the ultimate delusional reversal of facts.
it’s also a double-edged sword. not taking the foolishness anymore is the only way to get away from it, but it also gives the offender a brand new weapon to wield against you: beleaguered martyrdom. “we’re family; how can you treat me this way?” “i’m too old to be losing grandchildren.” ohhhh, you pooooor, victimized babies.
well, enough. i am done. my nuclear family is done. my parents have our backs. and if the only people standing at the end of the day are the four of us and our chosen families, the non-blood friends who’ve been better, more loyal and more loving than a lot of people linked to us through genetics? so be it.
you hear a lot of people screeching about the decay of the family. but here’s the big secret: the only families that are decaying are the ones where people hide behind lofty picket-fence imagery to wield irresponsible and abusive behavior like a cudgel against everyone else.
and in this day and age? we don’t have to take it anymore. we don’t need older relatives to make a life anymore. we don’t have to rely on generational benevolence to bless us with a favored piece of patrimony. we can strike out, go it alone and start over.
so blood might be thicker than water. but toxins in the blood are just as deadly as toxins in the water. blood poisoning kills quickly. we choose, the man and i, to rid ourselves of toxic blood. we stand free of the blood ties that hold us down. and it might be sad, but it’s a lot healthier in the end.
it’s not even worth a goodbye, really.