when you take the long view of it, being grown is not at all fun. from about age 20 to about age 65, you are in thrall to whatever heavy, serious, big-time responsibility of building your life, whatever shape that takes. and sometimes, the bad waaaaaaaaaaaaay outweighs the good. these days, i find myself in a professional quagmire of just biblical proportions. details will be spared, because a) blogging your job is the worst idea in the history of EVER in this age of disposable employees and b) it’s really stupid and i don’t want to get into it. but i am not a happy lawya these days. not even close.
there’s one major exception to the unhappiness in my life, though: when i am at home, i am very, very happy. my beloved fiancé has always been an emotionally generous soul, even back in our teenage days. he was always available to me when i was upset about something. but now that things are rough at work, he has redoubled his efforts to make our home a haven, a respite, and a refuge for me. and it’s worked beautifully. as soon as the door closes in the evening, it’s like i walk through a tear in the universe into a totally different world. the man has built me a place to hide from stress and irritation. our home life has become sacred because of how stressful work is.
weirdly enough, that sacred haven of home has improved our relationship. we’d gone through a stretch of out-of-character and very intense arguments in june, which was scary and frustrating. but because we have to be so defensive of our resting place, we are much, much slower to get into spats. and without the little spats, the bigger arguments go away.
my home is the only place where i can actually freaking relax and breathe. the man works hard to keep it that way. and because of that, i defend that bubble VERY carefully. i will sit at this desk for an extra two hours at night to avoid taking a scrap of work home. i like having the ability to work remotely if i need to, but i will only work from home in an emergency because i want that 720 square feet to remain sacrosanct. if i am at home, i am AT HOME, and NOT AT WORK. my home is my freaking castle these days. not in the sense of grand, glorious pomp and circumstance, but more that i have a moat, a drawbridge, guards, a fire-breathing dragon and an army of defenders keeping stress and annoyance the hell out of my home.
every person deserves somewhere to breathe, dammit.